Thursday-I'm Home!!!

March 27th started out as an ordinary day. My teenage nieces slept over and I thought I'd use the opportunity to go for a quick run before I took Liam and Ava to school. I was excited for the weekend. I was to meet Dennis later that evening in the city and we had fun plans for the weekend. I thought a run would make me feel even better. Life can change in an instant. On the way back home, I crossed Franklin Avenue and then I found myself on the ground in pain. Several people came running over to me. A nurse rushed over and held my head still. Soon after, I was on a stretcher enroute to Hackensach hospital. I was conscious and anxious to tell the EMT my name and address and that I had kids at home. Fortunately, my cell phone wasn't damaged and I asked the EMT to call Dennis and my neighbor Kathryn Guastello. I recall arriving to the ER and then seeing my family as they arrived. I spoke to them, and even joked with them, as I told them what happened. It appeared that I was just banged up. The subsequent CAT revealed far worse damage. Later that afternoon, my brother Joe told me that I sustained serious damage to my kidneys and liver. He said they needed to operate. His eyes were watery and grave. He told me it was going to be very difficult and that I potentially would need several surgeries. As his eyes penetrated mine, he said "Moe, you have to do this. It will be very hard but we will stand by you and help you every step of the way." Without a moment pause, I nodded my head yes. I then kissed everyone, a little tearily, goodbye.

After heavy sedation and three more surgeries, I woke up. During that time, I had several hallucinations; some comforting and others disturbing. In the good dreams, I knew I was very sick but various nice people reassured me that they would make me better. All the while, I knew I needed to get back to my children. When I woke, one by one, my family came to see me. At the time, I didn't fully realize why they were so emotional. I was not yet aware how critical I was and of the painstaking course of events of that first weekend after the accident. Over the following weeks, I was in great discomfort. I couldn't speak because I had a tracheotomy. Some of the time, I was frightened. I rejoiced over any milestone I passed, no matter how big or small; using pen and paper to communicate, a tube removed, breathing and speaking on my own and finally sitting in a chair. I felt that each of these events meant I was healing and I was one step closer to home.

The nights were difficult. I was so uncomfortable. I would stare at the beautiful collage Liam's class made me and I would pray. I would go over, in my mind all the prayers that were promised to me in cards or communicated through the blog. I clung onto all of them. It was all I needed to get through. I prayed so hard to the Lord and the Blessed Mother and begged all the people I loved up in heaven to help me. Everyday I got better and I felt such a real, palpable feeling that I was being watched over. I was overwelmed by all the support and prayers of my friends, my church and my kids' schools. Once I was up to it, I relished looking at the posts on the blog and were amazed at the response of people all over the world and of old friends I hadn't spoken to in years. I clung to a beautiful image described to me by my brother Joe. He told me that when I was in surgery and things looked so grim, my family gathered together in a circle and prayed. First they prayed for the driver and forgave him immediately. Their prayer was only about saving me; it was all about love not vengence or anger. That is why my family is so special. I am convinced that their love and the all the prayers that were said for me pulled me through. It was a miracle. The doctors were amazed at my progress. They called me their miracle patient. The kideys they thought they would removed became revitalized and functioned the same as anyone else. My liver suffered a laceration but was also revived. They thought they would close my abdomen in six months but were able to close it in the last surgery. I was predicted to stay in the ICU for six weeks. It has been six weeks and I am home!

My dear friends and family, words cannot express the gratitude and appreciation of the love you have given me. Thank you for the vigils at the hospital, for caring for my children, for making meals and for praying for my recovery. I am not even aware of all the worry that I put Dennis through and everything that he did for me during my sedation.  I do remember and appreciate the many hours he spent with me and how he would go back and forth from home to the hospital taking care of the kids and I.  Words cannot how much his love and devotion mean to me.

Many of you have commented how proud I must be of Jennifer for creating such a heartfelt, descriptive source for people to learn about my progress. I have always been proud of her but I too am amazed at her poise and grace during a trauma that twelve year olds should not have to endure. Fortunately, she has inherited the strength and fortitude of her dear father.

May 7th was an extraordinary day. I finally returned from what I thought would be a "short" run and came back a transformed person. God is good. I love you all and look forward to seeing you soon!

With Love and Gratitude,
Maureen